Primal Pain

Last night. Again, the blue lights. This time not a baby, a man. On the ground, surrounded by people in uniforms, people with guns, pale skin catching the blue light. His dark skin shadowed by his hood, by the moonless night, by the dark shadow cast by the car. Yelling orders. Through his wail he cried "Please don't shoot me. I didn't do anything. Please don't shoot me." It was the same wail. Pain made into sound.

Sabbaticals and the Proverbial Pebble

Most people I know working in giving-spaces, healing-spaces, grant-funded spaces, are stretched so thin in their time, physical abilities, emotional reserves, and spiritual core. There a never-ending demand to do more, people actively asking us to betray our own boundaries, and often not enough money to do what needs to be done. Everyone needs time to rest, reflect, and recharge.

Made of tears

Do you hear that? I will not let you tell me to make myself smaller. I will not make myself less sad, less angry, for you. I will not accept the feelings of guilt you are trying to stir in me. I am going to feel the full love. I am going to feel the full loss. I am going to experience my full self. I am going to know, to own, that I am partially made of tears. 

Letting my life speak

Can one really discover something that is in them? That IS them? Can I discover something that is me? Sound absurd and yet exactly what it felt like. #light #joy @waking_lumina

What is community resilience?

“...too often the concept of resilience is used to place the burden of developing reliance on the shoulders of people who are struggling— struggling every day just to live, making the decision to live over and over again in the face of trauma, dissapointment, grief, and loss.”

Big news..

I have never been married before and, trust me (I won’t bore you with the details), there are a lot of lonely years and awful dates when you are still unmarried in your early 40’s. But this is also true. It’s worth waiting for the right person. Andy is everything I barely dared to hope for.

overprotected heart

 “...my heart believes other parts of me and my life are suffering because I’m protecting it. Her. Overprotecting her. I didn’t know my heart felt that way. I thought she needed me.”

my voice

Okay, that was clear. From me to me. Stop saying yes when I want to say no and vice versa. The icky feeling in the short run will pay off in the long run. Easier said than done BUT something has to change in this new year. I'm sick of overpromising and then living in scarcity mode. No more scarcity mode.

healing & collective struggle

I'm having one of those moments in my life where everything I've learned -- personally and professionally, intellectually and spiritually, in word and body -- is transcending separate knowings and experiences to become one thing.